508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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