Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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