I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
