I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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