question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is wine microwaveable?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize