So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
