In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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