my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
