I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
