You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
