I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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