I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
