does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
