omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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