I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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