and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
