I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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