Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
