Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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