so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
