"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
