Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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