Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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