Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
