Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
