I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
