If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
