Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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