So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
