boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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