she woke up with a sticky ear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
