we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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