Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
