Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
