can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
