i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
