on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
