you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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