you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
