Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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