By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
should my penis look like a turkey
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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