i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The adults are the big ones right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
