even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
