4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize