Got a toothbrush?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
