i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
