He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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