me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The struggles of a small town man whore
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
