I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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