i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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