the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
