; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
