This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
