My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
