never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
