He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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