You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
