I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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