): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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