So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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