Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
