I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
