it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
