They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
