It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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