Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
