I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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