mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize