Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
