thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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