I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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